Happy New Month people of God.

I cannot believe I’ve avoided blogging for over a month. Dropped the balls on my blogging goals for the year, but honestly I am totally okay with it. A lot has been happening and I’ll eventually get to share some of it in later posts. But mostly I have been living and processing my thoughts.

This past couple of months I have uncovered that I have to acknowledge my feelings and experience them. That has been a process. My past approach has always been to avoid my feelings and move on quickly. My therapist has encouraged me to take them into consideration and instead of running away from them, to ask God to show me what He wants me to learn from them.

I am so grateful for the powerful women of God I get to grow with. This morning in our women’s prayer, V shared about Gideon and how he was honest with God about his fears/doubts. God is big enough to handle my doubts/fears/insecurities/worries. (this truly humbles me)

As a person with the gift of faith, I can see that I have used it at times to avoid navigating negative emotions. Feelings do serve their purpose, while we don’t want to dwell on them in a way that sends us into a downward spiral, God did create them and I can see that our feelings help us learn to be compassionate to others.

In March I was pregnant, but only for a few weeks because it was gone soon after. Along with that loss experience was a very physically painful 8 hours. My pain tolerance is so high, but that day the pain had me shaking. The pain I felt was heightened by the nonchalant attitude of the ER doctors. While I understand that there was nothing they could have done to help at that point, I had to pray to forgive them because I felt so hurt by how they didn’t seem to be concerned or sympathetic.

I have never experienced a miscarriage. I actually avoided saying that word out loud for a week. I wondered for a long time if I would write about my experience and then I realized that if I didn’t, I would be continuing the trend of avoidance. I have chosen to break free from a lot of the past narratives of my life. If you have been following my blog closely, you will know that I have been on a freedom journey (I’m focused man :D!). So grateful that who the Son sets free is free indeed (Thank You Jesus!).

We don’t have to try to be perfect. No matter what concerns, fears, doubts or other feelings we have, He is able to receive them from us and He loves us still. Nothing can ever separate us from His love (Thank You Jesus!).

A few weeks ago, I listened to the song “Feelings” by Chandler Moore. This song beautifully encapsulates how I have felt. I am so grateful to be learning to know more about Who I am in Christ and Who our loving Heavenly Father is.

“I have learned something about Him being the God of my emotions. The one who created me. And I may not have learned, had I not been in this place. I’ve learned how to suffer with Him. He is not rushing me to get to a place that I am not. But he is not just in heaven, but He is sittting with me in my tears, in my confusion, in my frustration, in my questions. He is sitting here, present with me and I have realized and I have learned something about Him”

Feelings by Chandler Moore

No matter what you are going through right now, I pray that you can let go and trust that He is with you right in the midst of the storm. Jesus is standing beside you in the fire. We suffer with Him. He is loving. He is kind. He is just. He is faithful. He will not forsake or abandon us. It may not look like it now, but trust that He is working it all together for your good and for His Glory.

Mighty God, how awesome You are. Lord I praise You for another day and opportunity for us to continue to connect with You. To grow in obedience, submission and surrender to Your will. To learn to be honest with You. You know all things already, but in our surrender we can continue to be set free. Lord I pray that our hearts, ears and eyes may open to perceive and understand where You want us to be/do. Father I pray for strength where it has dwindled. Lord I pray for comfort and peace for those of us needing it. Holy Spirit You are the Great Comforter, Lord I pray that You would surround whoever is needing it right now. I pray that they would know in their hearts that You are right there with them. I pray for a refreshing of our souls in all the way that we need it. Lord I pray for an infusion of Your Spirit in us like never before. Father may we be awakened to more understanding of the Spirit of power, love, self control and a sound mind that You have given to us through Christ. Thank You Lord Jesus for all that You have made possible. Where would I be without You? Who would I be without You? I love You Lord. All the Glory is Yours. In Your Holy Name, I Pray, Amen